weblog>>..

5 Jan, 2004
i carry all the things from the past year.
few days have passed, still, there are some questions i haven't answered.
there r things - decisive, crucial.
i tell my friends, u can always expect things to be better,
then, what do i expect to happen this year?

well, at least i can choose to say happy new year with a ^o^
welcome 2004

17 Dec, 2003
errrr.. =(
=(

13 Dec, 2003
ask ur grandpa how they made money for a living.
"i buy things at $1. umm.. i sell them for $2," grandpa answers. ^^

5 Dec, 2003
oh, sometimes i live as if there is no heaven, no hell beyond :(

28 Nov, 2003
You give life and now You call him back. Pray that You give strength to them. Pray that You take care of the family. Pray that they can keep trusting You.

19 Nov, 2003
Sun landed 500000 desktop Linux deal with china government (Comdex 2003). forming partnership with mainland, what a strategy.

15 Nov, 2003
i skipped one night sleep. perhaps i will get headache. perhaps not. ^o^

1 Nov, 2003
feel sooooooooo bored today..
change the icon and barner for this site... um.. only a bit different anyway :(

28 Oct, 2003
"Do u think its important to have dinner together?"
here r some answers from ppl~ :
1. with who^^, with family, friends or bf? cos they r different loh
2. if it's with ppl i dun like, its unimportant
3. yup... cos i can have free dinner~~
4. i m a hermit living in mt everest.
5. when having dinner there is always much to talk about

21 Oct, 2003
have a nice dream last nite ^o^
who cares i have 15 mins good time in real life or dream.
both are good, as i've experienced. both i still remember~

18 Oct, 2003
i went to airport to send close ppl off again.

17 Oct, 2003
what a nice time for all of us, being given time to spend with parents. everyone was happy~

29 Sept, 2003
validate xhtml & css for this page

26 Sept, 2003
this is the first time i listen to liszt.
~it is amazing. it is brilliant~

23 Sept, 2003
i like this song. simple melody, yet deep.
it keeps repeating.
my mind is wandering. but nothing i can think of.
what is the difference between tonight and other night?
tonight i stopped for a while.
i hear the clock ticks, the whir of insect,
the sound of my computer fan, the sound i make as i type
i hear nothing else.

tonight will pass.
soon it will become the other night.

18 Sept, 2003
how good is my life

17 Sept, 2003
silence tells a story.
words tell the lie.

15 Sept, 2003
i was touched.
finding that ppl know and care.
i realized i had placed ppl too far away.

i used to wait.
wait till ppl show concern.
before i trust they will.

it's a pity.

14 Sept, 2003
unit testing using JUnit

12 Sept, 2003
who knows where will we be next year

2 Sept, 2003
"My conscience hath a thousand several tongues,
And every tongue brings in several tale,
And every tale condemns me for a villain."
-William Shakespeare-Richard III, Act 5, Scene 3

1 Sept, 2003
Port Authority released 9/11 transcripts.
I see people performed their duties very heroically and professionally even they knew they were dying.

27 Aug, 2003
site redesigned =)

15 Aug, 2003
I met my ex-high school classmate in pelita unexpectedly. haven't seen him for seven years. and the greatest joy is knowing that now he is a christian.

13 Aug, 2003
read news about a man losing 8 fingers in an accident. the company where he worked gave $200,000 as compensation.
my eight fingers are more valuable than $200,000 for me. it is worth more than $1 billion.

9 Aug, 2003
pleasant day.
pleasant sound of violin, suprised that i still can make an acceptable sound after such a long time =)
lot of things pop up from my mind. nicely, i see them good today =)

6 Aug, 2003
there r ppl who i always worry about whatever they do. (wonder why -_-?)
there r ppl who i never worry about (cos i m confident of them)
are there any reasons for me to be confident or to be uncertain?
i know there is a reason for me to be confident... there is no reason for doubt.
knowing is one thing. doing is another.

5 Aug, 2003
bombing in jakarta

2 Aug, 2003
"circle of life..."
job hunting... 3 years ago.. it took 3 months and 7 interviews for me to find my first job. what about now? ^o^

trying to cheer up myself ^O^^^^^^
write a banner and stick it !!! CHEER UP !!!
i told myself
"isn't it strange.. there were things u looked for. and it happened. u were happy. then it passed. and u looked for another.. and it happened.. u were happy again.. and still u look for another... "
"um. it keeps repeating. um.. perhaps it's circle of desire.. someone said that desire is the very essence of man. and i am in the circle."
"um.. if desire is the essence of man.. i can't avoid it."
"um..its better for me to reposition what i long for.."
"leave me with two choices... keep longing for the same old things or .."

25 July, 2003
a search for guidance @ MYC

19 July, 2003
funny thing happened... tried to find a new place .
found a good place already, but ... >.<

16 July, 2003
i have known my friend for 8 months.
she brought a lot of happiness with her presence.
now it is the time to see her go away.
wish i can meet her again next time.

6 July, 2003
i am happy because my friend came back.

3 July, 2003
.difficult.immature.

26 June, 2003
i know i m so bad.

21 June, 2003
when i find everything cannot be the same anymore, i want to run away, but finally i have to face it..

17 June, 2003
when u don't know what to do, keep trust in our God, choose one and do it. face it bravely after u choose it. may be it seems like ur choice is wrong. but u will still feel the same if u choose another one. as time goes by, u will know u have made the right choice.

15 June, 2003
i spent the night at circular quay and had a cup of coffee there. water, night view, winter, coffee, made up a lonesome yet pleasant ambiance. it made me think what i was trying to find there. hmm... anyway, i like this place.

14 June, 2003
i like struggling with deadline, but now i prefer not.

8 June, 2003
decisions change my life. i never know which one change my life. a lil decision happened to change life sometimes. a big decision didnt.
but once it is too late.. is it worth feeling regret? i regret if i was careless, if i was thoughtless. i won't feel regret for the rests. there r things in this life beyond my control.

i still dunno if it is worth feeling regret for things that have passed. either good or bad.
for time of bliss, i never say enough. for that, i always think... time is so short. but one year, five years or twenty years doesn't makes any differences. always so short.....
for time of hardship... it's harder to describe...i think i haven't gone through enough hardship to tell u. i can't explain it properly. i understand happiness much better than hardship. i went through these time with lil and big decisions, right and wrong decisions.

i have been using a simple way to decide things since last year. i value it with how long i probably live in this world.
~if my life ends today, i know i had already made the most important decision. so i won't feel regret. but i am optimist. i always assume at least i still alive for another one month~ (seems pesimist to u? okay.. u r optimist and i m realistic).
~if i live for another one month. nothing to be decided, only one thing to be done. i know what i am going to do. i will tell the most important decision i have made to ppl that i consider friends.
~if i live for another three months. may be one or two things to be decided, and one or two things to be done. spend time with people i love. do the things i enjoy. visit one or two places.
~if i live for another one year. many lil and big things to be decided, like where i m going to stay next year.
~if i live for another ten years. study hard, work hard.
~if i live for another fifty years. it's too far away.
i hope i won't regret for any decisions that i make.. whether i live another fifty years or another day.

is it worth feeling regret for my decision? i still ask myself.
one thing i m sure. i won't feel regret for it, if i only live for another month~

31 May, 2003
a friend moved out 2 days ago.
a friend is leaving 3 days later.
leaving me alone in this place -___-

27 May, 2003
if something bad happened, i always hope everything will be alright after tonight.

25 May, 2003
there are things meaningless for u, yet meaningful for me... but how i judge it.
things i value today, and 1 year later, and 10 years later, and 100 years later are meaningful, the rest are meaningless.

how u value things if u always change. u know... ppl said change is constant.
simple. just wait n see.

if i still value them 10 years later and till the time i m about to die, then i know they are meaningful. the rests are meaningless.
but i m afraid if it will be too late. i m afraid that time i will ask u. "is it too late?" and all i get is silence... ... and i know the answer.

22 May, 2003
be playful and silly. life is so boring if u r always serious and thoughtful~~

19 May, 2003
favorite words:
bakero (since 1992)
bego (aka stupid), keplek (aka stupid) (1998)
chipe (aka green and white),guan ce kong (plastic container) (1999)
payoye, tenggleng (aka weak) (2000)
stupid, "i m not angry, just a lil bit annoyed" (2003)

18 May, 2003
factory method is not the simplest pattern >.<
yeah! it's the simplest pattern once u understand it ^o^

17 May, 2003
many things can turn out good surprisingly~
i worried too much that time? lolz. =)

16 May, 2003
nightmare>.<
i dreamed about preparing for exams (~so tiring) and finally couldn't answer any questions (~hopeless).
dreamed about friend falling in a faint and i desperately sought help (~no word).
finally i woke up (~headache). relieved, only a dream (~lucky^o^ oooo))
then i took panadol and slept again.

13 May, 2003
i wonder how my life will be if i was born in different era.
and how my life will be if i was born in unfortunate circumstances.
i think it over and over. i realize i dont have the courage to be the unfortunate one.
..so i am grateful for what i have and i wish i have the courage.. someday..

i think of my life now. what i am doing.....
i enjoy living in the past, playing with memories.
i struggle in the present, for making things memorable.
I struggle for the future. for creating possibilities. for memorable future.

i don't know why i live for memories.
once they become memories, they become unreachable past.
at the end i still long for them.
and at the end i am still grateful for what i remember~

12 May, 2003
remember the time when u prayed for people around u, the time when u prayed for me.
remember there are people around u that keep praying for u. i keep praying for u too.
remember whatever happens, good or bad, our prayers are listened by God who loves us.

7 May, 2003
love starts with a simple thoughtlessnes. ends with an unexplained emotion
life starts with a full joyfulness. ends with an unfinished happiness

5 May, 2003
...5may1996, tomorrow got EBTANAS!! nearly finish highschool. 5may1997, attended physics, statistics, programming lectures from morning to night, . 5may1998. didnt have class and had nothing to do at home. 5may1999. got antenna class. 5may2000. remember very clearly ^o^. 5may2001. youth fellowship. 5may2002. really forget. 5may2003. today :)

3 May, 2003
no more worries~ no more bad things~
bday passed~ sweet bday~ bday cake~ bday noodle~ bday present~ bday card~

25 Apr, 2003
Something makes u worry. u make others worry.
Nothing makes u worry. others still worry about u. ^o^??
Nothing to worry about. u still worry ^_^??
People like worries.....

i see u worry about something. u make me worry.
i see u are alright. u still make me worry. -_-??
u ask why i always worry.
i say people like worries.....

u saw me being happy
u asked why i was happy
i said i was happy.
u did not believe ^-^??

plenty of things to worry about.
i want to worry. i worry the whole life -_-''''
i choose not to worry. i feel happy for a while ^o^
i feel happy for a while. i wish u r too ^_^

23 Apr, 2003
one thing i did in the past.
the future will never be the same anymore.
still i choose no regret.

22 Apr, 2003
there is a time for meeting people
there is a time for knowing people
there is a time for parting.
we part because of death. we part because of distance.
we part because nothing last forever in this world.
i feel sad because i missed u.
i feel sad because i want to hear ur voice, because i want to see u again.
i feel sad because when i tell u stories, u can't answer me
i feel sad because i want to see both of us grow old. i want to tell the stories about things we do in our youth, our adventures. then we can laugh together
i feel sad because ur presence is so meaningful for me.
now i don't want to feel sad anymore.
i give thank for having chance to know u.
i treasure every moment of happiness with u.
i know one day we can have the time to talk and share our life experiences again. and i will tell u my story

20 Apr, 2003
what is the reason i care for others? when did i start realizing that i cared for my fellow human? it was when i realized that human are just mortal, living in this dying world. a king's life is not more valuable than a servant's life. my life is not more important than his life. we all are dying..... but why i still care for others even i know we all are dying? caring for others or not. does it make any differences?

someone told me that we aren't dying if ... ?

i pondered for quite a long time. i asked a group of people.
Skeptic said, "how u know we all are dying? " "how u know the 'if' is true?"

(hmm...this guy is really annoying. i asked for advices and he gave me more questions. he actually doesn't know anything. i m better than him, at least i know that i m dying.)

Then Folly said, "i don't really care if i m dying or living."
(well, i surely care. if not i won't ask u)

Atheist said "yeah. we all dying. so what's bad with dying. Once u die, it's all."
(once i die it's all... ... ... ... this guy is really confident.)

Religious argued "no! u still exist even u died"

Skeptic calmly asked "how u know u still exist when u died?"
(now i am really confused. these people didn't help me but caused more troubles. better i try to find the answer by myself.)

i found the answer in easter.

17 Apr, 2003
if i don't know u, then how u look like and what u do are probably the most important.

it can be misleading, but no better way. i say i can only judge u.
if i know u deeper, then its ur virtues & characters that i look for. and then, i say i can value u.
Deeper than that. i say i will never judge u and value u anymore, because i already know u.

12 Apr, 2003
01.00am. cant sleep. think of too much things these days. try to read book. it didnt help. try to do my assignment. but my brain was overheated. now nothing to do. turn on music will probably help. i select these songs. debussy's girl with the flaxen hair is one of my favorites. but it makes me feel more troubled. dvorak's humoresques makes me feel calm. schubert's presto from death and the maiden overclocks my brain. but i m not in the mood of doing assignment.
01.48am. i enjoy the silence of the nite. mmm. hungry. should grab something to eat.
01.52am. now can see the rainbow after raining :), becos of food?? lolz
01.54am. i think i want to do the assignment again.
02.23am. the assignment is hard.
03.28am. im tired. it should be easy for me to sleep.

10 Apr, 2003
I hate making important decision. >.< cos its important and i can't predict the future. I like trivial choice, cos i actually dont need to choose, just toss the coin and i get the result.

I find myself changes frequently -_-?? what i considered good a few months ago. now seems not. what is impossible now possible. errr....

9 Apr, 2003
Why weren't they afraid of death? They were sure where to go & faced it with courage.

30 Mar, 2003
Q: What's the stupid thing to do on a sunny saturday morning? A: Go to a beach and try to study there. Q: What's the stupid thing to do if u want to clean ur shoes with a shower. A: Stand under the shower and turn the tap on. Q: What's the stupid thing to do when the daylight saving end? A: Wake up at 8 o'clock, feel happy and sleep again becos u have another hour of sleeping time~

26 Mar, 2003
What do u feel when u leave the place u have been staying for years?
Thirteen years ago... i have forgotten what i felt that time -_-''
Seven years ago... only my friends and families were in my minds -_-
Two years ago... i missed my gf.
Last years... it hurt.

What do u feel when u leave someone close with u?
"we still can meet each other every holiday", i thought that when i was kid :)
When i grew older, i found that sometimes i was not close with them anymore after a few years. Sometimes they had forgotten me, sometimes i had forgotton them. well, everyone had changed. I got new friends, they got new friends.
I wish someday i can still meet every of those who had left 'a little memory' in my life. may be some of them have forgotten me, or some of them have the same wish with me.

What do u feel when u see the stars?
i see the stars every night. i don't feel anything. i see the stars, i remember when i was scared of darkness. i remember when someone told me stories. i remember the moment we chatted. i remember 31st Desember 2001. i remember 14th February 1997. i remember Desember 2000. I remember the camp. i remember i was so happy~. i remember i had made so many promises. i remember coffee. i remember the creator.

What do u feel when sit near the seashore alone?
i feel the wind. I feel like closing my eyes. i feel like sitting there with someone.

24 Mar, 2003
I am tired...

23 Mar, 2003
Sadness comes out of the blue. Can bliss come in the midst of busy life?

20 Mar, 2003
the gulf war has started. who can bring justice to this lame world.

18 Mar, 2003
What are the differences between our past and our dream? Sometimes, what happened in the past just looked like a dream. Like having a sweet dream, and i don't want to wake up. But I still wake up. There were moments in my life that i wish could last forever, but they still faded away.

I wake up today and what happened yesterday was just like a dream for me. Few years have passed, and where those years go. Some still live in my memory, some have diminished. Some are like dreams... they happen, leave a memory, and go away. I wait for the day when i can wake up and find that they were just dreams~

15 Mar, 2003
I haven't practiced violin for one week. I should keep on practicing, even it means disturbing neighbour!

13 Mar, 2003
Woo hoo! I found interest in study again~~

11 Mar, 2003
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17
I like this verse but i think the indonesia translation conveys deeper meaning. "Seorang sahabat menaruh kasih setiap waktu, dan menjadi seorang saudara dalam kesukaran."
Having a real friend and a real brother is a treasure of this life.

10 Mar, 2003
Got headache again today. I dunno why. May be drink too much coffee these days or study too much mandarin... I should reduce my intake of coffee :(

7 Mar, 2003
There was a time in my life i regretted of what i have done.

1 Mar, 2003
O-Week @UNSW has passed. I gained quite interesting & fun experiences while i asked ppl to join FOCUS. Some ppl were willing to listen, some were polite, some were very impolite. The first time was quite awkward cos dunno what to say, but after a while, its quite easy. Just remember, dont bother with the rejection from some ppl, there are still many ppl that are eager to listen to this good news :)

added cooking section..

28 Feb, 2003
It has been so long. Three months has passed since i was busy with the exam. I have a memorable holiday. Spending time with family, close friends, beloved one and having a busy christmas with lot of music. Hmm. try to remember what i had done last year. I remember I started last year with quite a good hope for future. But thing always changes and future is unpredictable. I missed someone meanwhile and it made me feel my life is so empty. I felt like i would not have joy anymore. I knew I had to continue this life but my life seemed aimless. It influenced many aspects of my life, including friends and study....

Yeah. But people said time will heal our pain. Half year had passed. I realized that I felt better. As what I believe, life is not valued by how long we live this life, but how meaningful our life is. I knew my brother had lived a very meaningful life and now had returned to his real home. I remember the lyric of a hymn, "...this temporal world is not my home...i know there is another place where i belong to..." This always gives me a great comfort while i feel sad.

Then another half year had passed, and i found that I only had one day left before the new year came . I spent the last day thinking of what had happening the whole year and what i had done. I found I had done so many failures this year. But i also gained much from all that had happened this year.

Finally, new year came. I started this new year in my church with prayer and then with a cup of coffee. Now I came back to my daily life after a long holiday and the new semester will start soon. Actually I feel quite bored returning here, but i got a housemate who is nice and add more color to this life, like helping me taste my cooking~. Oh.. I have a new hobby this year. That is cooking!!

18 Nov, 2002
IPv4, IPv6.

17 Nov, 2002
Exam period *_* commences. now needs three cups of coffee everyday. remember, study hard... study smart... study is fun... hmm

14 Nov, 2002
Redesign the banner & minor layout changes~~ Now the banner is better :)

13 Nov, 2002
I am bored ......

12 Nov, 2002
People come into my life then go. Some of them I only meet for seconds. Some I meet for months, for years, even may be for the rest of this life. Some affect my life so much. Some change my life. Some are inspiring. Some make me feel love. Some leave a memory for the deepest heart. Some I just forget.

8 Nov, 2002
"Take time to think; it is the source of power" - anonym

7 Nov, 2002
"To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

30 Oct, 2002
Very very busy week.
Congrat to my cousin for finishing uni. what a tough life.

29 Oct, 2002
"Where your treasure is, where your heart is"

28 Oct, 2002
"Do u think its important to have dinner together?"
I don't know, but now i don't have dinner alone.

20 Oct, 2002
"Life is a sweet-bitter-symphony."

19 Oct, 2002
got severe headache this week. terrible.
added dans_arts.

13 Oct, 2002
terrible bombs attack in indonesia. this world is getting worse, nothing certain. put my hope in this world, i am disappointed.

12 Oct, 2002
"happiness and sadness will perish" What is everlasting?

11 Oct, 2002
i am not feeling good today. i miss my beloved brother a lot.

10 Oct, 2002
i spend most of the time reading materials about multicasting and firewall this week.

1 Oct, 2002
i put this site on icq, http://xhaydn.tripod.com , cos i only have 56kbps connection. it also can be accessed from http://xhaydn.mine.nu when my web server is up, the problem is as i don't have static ip address, this url points to someone else computer when i am offline :'(

30 Sept, 2002
Tomcat 4.1.12 is up. i spent ages to find how to connect Tomcat to Apache 2 using mod_jk2 with no result. i could hardly find any useful information from apache website. finally, i used mod_jk and followed the instructions from Detlev Beutner @ http://www.acg-gmbh.de/mod_jk/, and it worked.

29 Sept, 2002
finish the construction, with just a few simple pages :)

28 Sept, 2002
this site is under construction.
It is hosted on my computer using apache web-server, i will connect it to tomcat later.