22 April, 2008

What's been happening!

housemates: housemate went back to Sydney last year to pursue his goal. he looked quite (worried,stressed?) one week before he left singapore. it is normal i think. then i searched for new housemate in yahoogroups and luckily found a good one. this guy always worried too much, and always made me impatience -.- now i think he is more confident. ex-housemate came to singapore to work for half year. this girl always look for unnecessary troubles which can be avoided easily -.- got a photo frame from another housemate as wedding gift. poor photoframe, the glass was broken into pieces when shipped here, and on one fine day the frame was broken into two, falling from the wall -.- current housemate: wife and sis =)

started a new family last dec. preparing for wedding is tough, i dun like to plan for details. it was my then gf who did most of the job ^o^.
Frens always ask, "Hows married life".
Life as single is good. Married life is good as well. I enjoy both. Wife is nice and fun =)
Once in a while, i missed the day when i was still unmarried though.~

same with everyone else, i still work hard for bread and butter. i enjoy my work. bosses and colleagues are nice.

2 March, 2007

Added Technorati Profile

30 Jan, 2007

5 years passed.
since death is inevitable, i learn to trust God's providence in its timing.

9 May, 2006

message from icq server. "it's cucu's birthday. would u like to send him a card?"

here is my card: "happy bdae! no longer need to say happy birthday to u actually! how ru? everyone is still doing quite okay here.
miss u. ~take "

it's one way communication, but i m pretty sure u r able see this. sooner or later

20 Apr, 2006

living an easy life so far tis year. everything seems okay and not much worries. so i juz enjoy while i m still blessed wif good things, and try not to complain when bad thing happens. in real life, good and bad thing juz wait for their turn to happen.

i like to live a carefree life. but living tat way is not a choice for present time. i m scared to hv nothing to say about my life when i meet my creator.

so how? juz wait for another 50 years, or shorter if my creator decided tat i hv no more thing to do here.
meanwhile, better do what i really hv to do.

30 Jan, 2006

everyone mentioned u briefly this year. 4 years passed

22 Nov, 2005

u helped someone but it bited u back.
moral: never ever helped that kind of person in the first place.
but u dunno that he is that kind of person.
moral: if u can't be sure what kind of person he is, don't help.

being considerate has caused me endless trouble.
"let's end it. and never ever allow it to happen again." i said.

15 Nov, 2005

i collected some money for many plans. and coz of my carelessness, the money flied away. i grieved for my stupidity.

someone ever said, "do not store for yourselves treasures on earth. there are thieves who steal ur treasures on earth, and moth destroys them." arrrhhh. that is the inherent problem of this kind of treasures. u should have known there r thieves and it could be destroyed anytime.

so i have to start all over again, for my many plans.

10 Oct, 2005

how the poorest among indonesian adapt to the recent fuel price increase? "before, we ate once a day, now we eat once every other day. to save coal oil, we now drink raw water from the well. we only use the oil to cook rice."

i dun think human can survive this kind of condition for a long time. at one time, they will reach their limit and break. nevertheless, they still try to adapt.

7 Sept, 2005

i started a dream blog at http://subconsciousworld.blogspot.com

4 Sept, 2005

~t i m e f l i e s~
i noticed nothing changed, which is not a good thing. i m still the old stupid and stubborn self. still the same old job, the same deadline every month. what i did has no relevance to the society i guess, juz a way to earn a living as a part of the whole system. and of things regarding eternal relevance, i didnt do anything better. really need a change or another year will be wasted >.<

good things did happen on personal level, gf is coming here to work. brother and cousin r studying in sydney and joining the church there. more time wif family as it is easier to go to indo from here.

lastly, on the fun side of life, my violin skill did improve, as i had predicted~. i hope by end of next year, i will be busking around singapore, embark on a new career as a street musician~

2 Feb, 2005

for some ppl u meet everyday, u try hard to treasure them, still it doesn't work.
for some ppl u meet only for a short while, u treasure for life.
what a mystery.

30 Jan, 2005

"hey. our brother has grown up. but i notice he is slow"
-".... remember when u first came to jkt? u r very slow, and u always made ppl waiting for u. he is more mature than u!"
a piece of dream last nite. in memory of u. 3 years have passed.

29 Oct, 2004

things can be complicated. i supposed i did what u wanted to.

24 Oct, 2004

end of year is nearer.
not many things would happen for the next two months.
not much i have done this year. moved to sg.
been working for half year. saved some money. and another 3% of my life has passed.
and think of next year, there r lot of things could happen, good or bad, nobody knows.
but i guess not much to worry about. nothing too bad could happen.
i will grow older for sure, which i hate most >.<
and 50% prob live in another city,
50% prob of finding a new job, 50% prob of jobless,
90% prob that my violin skill will improve~
and another year will pass


after staying for 7 months in singapore. i get "used" to live in sg.
actually enjoy it pretty much. been watching more than 20 movies since i stay here,
enjoying the nite where i can return home at 1 am without worrying about safety.
actually big city is a good place to stay even u don't have many frens.
it will be very very boring to stay in sydney and u dun have friends. nothing to do at nite there. meet quite a lot net frens in sg, sumtimes it is easier to get along with fren u know from the net to those from the real life.

one of my young cousin ask me why i always like to "have fun" every friday or saturday, like watching movie, ice skating, karaoke, returning home very late. i told her i need stress relieve.
"stress relieve" is a new word from me since i come to sg. yeah, that's pure stress relieve as u remember nothing but the story of the movie after that, and nothing important enuf for me to remember.
met my sis yesterday and i told her i need diet now as i m too fat. she laughed and said if u r fat then how's those fat ppl. i said they are super fat!

i wanna stop writing for a while, one year prob.

19 Oct, 2004

i m so tired of deadline...

11 Oct, 2004

tried to help linda solve a c assignment tonite and it messed my own schedule. i guess her style of study is still the same as when she was in foundation -.-''

quest for happiness. lil thing in life can be significant, like a hi from a close friend can warm the heart.

10 Oct, 2004

sometimes i m lost as i can't find the things that make me happy.
i told a fren, "i m bored of this life as i m not happy."
that fren asked me back, "aren't you happy as you still have family, good health, work?"
and i replied him, "i m thankful for everything that i have, but happiness and thankful is a bit different."

after a long while, i realized that uttering that kind of word is no different from showing no gratitude for what i have. i show my selfishness when i keep saying being happy or unhappy is no longer important as time passes.
it is such a self-centred view of life.

30 Sept, 2004

in a world of dream, it is easier to accept strange thing as a truth. everytime i saw my brother, i was always surprised and a bit puzzled, and i often asked him, how you come to life again. and i got different answer everytime. i never really understood any of the answers as time in a dream is not linear. can't really sure things has happened in the past or future or never happened. but i was happy and accepted it as truth.

time flies fast. sometimes i wish i can fast forward the whole things and wake up as an old man with all the memory. and everything is no longer important as it is almost the end.

28 Sept, 2004

happy mid autumn festival~

27 Sept, 2004

web service promises interoperability, but i spent one whole day to find why it's not interoperable >.<

18 Sept, 2004

started violin lesson 3 weeks ago. having a teacher to correct the error is a huge different. wonder when i can produce a beautiful sound and not noise. a long way to go!

9 Sept, 2004

bomb in jkt.

7 Sept, 2004

Got an email from HP. they r giving away $15 starbucks voucher for the first 300 customers that respond to their survey.
i responded straight away. hope i was fast enuf to win the free coffee~~

29 Aug, 2004

movie, popcorn, hotdog, ice tea.
go to cinema every friday nite these days.... watching movie alone, waiting at the mrt station afterwards, then spending the whole nite relaxing, reading novel. this is how i enjoy myself in sg.

15 Aug, 2004

three days in pku is certainly more meaningful than three days in sg, even though the time still flies fast.

my dreams are quite chaotic recently. they r not in synch with real life. i m happier in the dream than in real.

"Dear,dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" (~Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll)

3 Aug, 2004

remember i enjoyed bullying my lil brother and lil cousins, asking them to share things & food. usually, their responses were like: "this is the only thing i have. or i only have a few. i will share with u next time, okay?" now i no longer have lil cousins and lil brother. they all grow up.

i see the grown-up, being a grown-up is more difficult. they have responsibility for their family and many other responsibilities. i observe how a grown-up share their belonging. i know some ppl, they r rich, but their brother and sister r poor. wonder why they do not share their wealth with their brother? may be they think they have their own family to care for, and dun have the ability to care for too many ppl. i dun really understand. i hope in the future, none of my brother and sister r poor ^o^.

i have a strange dream recently. i went to a place till late nite with my brother. we rushed after the last train. we were at a new mrt line, nobody there, and we kept running as if there is no other way to return home if we missed that train. and singapore has 6 mrt lines in my dream -_-??

18 July, 2004

What the Modern Woman Wants, an essay written by a 15 yo sec student. Here's the summary from thestraittimes.
A 15-year-old Singaporean, Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen, from Raffles Girls' School, won the top prize in the Commonwealth Essay Competition that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries. Her short story focuses on the conflict in values between an old woman and her independent-minded daughter.

yeah. modern ppl calls this thing "confict in values".
we call it "selfish" and ?tq

16 July, 2004

a year ago
woke up at 7am. had bread n coffee as bfast. anthony came in. went to the airport with a taxi, four of us. had another round of bfast at mc d. my fren was about to leave. keith led in prayer. my fren left. took bus home. had a small chat with anthony and joyce. arrived home and slept. gave a sheet to adela. went home and slept again. it s still clear after all

15 July, 2004

a cup of coffee still lift up my day & nite
i guess i m addicted to coffee again.
got a dream related to coffee recently. my fren's father asked me whether there is a nice place for having coffee in sg. i mentioned some

think of coffee, i want a nice coffee cup,
i want nice coffee bean, nice ambient, nice weather, a nice fren to talk with.
that's all i need to spend an enjoyable day

12 July, 2004

poor indonesia.
same thing happened again.
lost the game, but blame other party.
we criticize everyone as if we are the best.
it seems that we are becoming worse compared to 5 years ago
our leaders and public figures are so arrogant now. >.< are there any hope..

28 June, 2004

happy bdae to alice

27 June, 2004

a strange dream lastnite.
incoming message
hi...
arent u supposed to be in europe now??
...
...

23 June, 2004

try to remember if there were interesting things happened in the past few weeks~ lost hours of sleep becos of virus. spent three days busy like a fool with a network engineer for things that should be solved in 15 mins. being rude toward a consultant becoz of too tired. mad at boss after two days ot. all these things happened at work place, as i dun really have life apart from work nowadays.

all these things are not interesting. =(

2 June, 2004

favorite word this year: time flies...flies...flies...
wot a strange life -_- now is june again. some of my memory are kept in icq, msn, yahoo log, html pages. those extended memory are durable & reliable. they do not lie.

30 May, 2004

my brother spent a few days here. it was a nice time. unfortunately, time is a scarce thing since i started working.
i want to have the kind of freedom like i had when i was in uni. so earn enuf money and stop working for other ppl is the next goal?

25 May, 2004

when i was little. my yes was yes and no was no. nothing to worry about. not much to consider when i said my yes.

now, my yes and no depends on many things. there are things called white lies. "for the sake of all, it doesnt matter what i say" how important is being trustworthy compared to other things? i dunno when i started using that kind of reasoning. i want a change. i want my simple yes and no. yes=yes and no=no.

16 May, 2004

dreamed so many dreams last nite, caused me got headache =(
exhausted todae, physically and emotionally.
i m out of temper.
hope tomorrow will be better.

12 May, 2004

an article about john newton and the story of amazing grace.
it surprised me that he took so long to change after that awful storm and after that beautiful song.
but it could take me even longer to change, i m sick of it.

9 May, 2004

cucu's bday
life is not that long. time flies and i find life is short.

3 May, 2004

time flies.
as i grow older, life becomes more and more boring -__-
i wake up. wait for saturday. and then another saturday.
uhhhh.

27 Apr, 2004

one month, two months, one year, two years.
and then u forget

21 Apr, 2004

"Let your workings remain a mystery
Just show people the results"
(Lao Tze - Tao Te Ching, Tablet #36)

17 Apr, 2004

came across this. a dream blog. wot an idea. prob i can try it sometime.

16 Apr, 2004

there was a man.
he died young.
ppl admired him for what he had achieved and commemorated his death.
there was another man.
he was the insignificant.
it seemed like nobody knew if he had ever existed.
whose life was happier? whose life was more meaningful?
that was life's little irony.

15 Apr, 2004

got a job as a game developer ^o^^^

9 Apr, 2004

good friday this year. went to a combined service with more than 2000 ppl.
went to the airport.
went to my uncle's place.

good friday 2003.
went to rpc with my friend.
then rushed back home doing assignment that was due that night.
finished the stupid programming assignment in 4 hours
lunch.tea.dinner

good friday 2002.
went to rpc alone.

if i were there this year, i could have been in the camp ^^

8 Apr, 2004

i know many ppl.
1. so close yet so far.
2. so far yet so close.
3. i care and they care not
4. they care and i care not
5. nobody cares

1 Apr, 2004

yay, online.

30 Mar, 2004

scared to death when i woke up in the middle of the night, and saw someone else in my room. -_-;;??
what a horrific hallucination.
It seems as if i m not very stable these days.

28 Mar, 2004

i saw my friend in a vivid dream this morning. i am perplexed.

27 Mar, 2004

thx to sui and friend for helping with immigration matter.
thx to rya for finding us a good place here.

25 Mar, 2004

everything in aus was juz a bubble? it was a big decision to decide to come to aus, and another decision had been made when i resolved not to stay there. i was told, where u live in the future depends on these decisions. what's the meaning of knowing a few people there, then separate, and become msn or icq contact? I m tired of it.

i spent a few days visiting my cousin. He still seemed quite happy living there. He is satisfied and living a simple life i guess. I had a nice time but the time was just too short. I also met my other cousin there. I hadn't seen her for years. But she still called me j. I suggested my lil brother to go to canada instead of aus. i hope that i do the right thing as i dunno what will happen in the future. inside i still worry a lot.

finding employment? i find it was not very wise to come here either. But wise or unwise, it has been made. the only thing i can do is juz go on. It's a depressing thing, but i will try my best for at least 5 months before i give up here. I m juz scared of wasting another half year becoz of this decision.

"one week in a new place
it brings out things that make me desolate
pictures of the old house keep coming out

then i remind myself
being happy or unhappy is no longer important
as time passes."

4 Mar, 2004

abacus, 4d, dans solution, ... prudent cs.
i have the idea. i have a partner. the rest depends on my endeavour.

14 Feb, 2004

still feel sad to leave.

"do not compare ppl with ppl to be fair.
the scale and the unit r different.
and then how to know which one to use. "

13 Feb, 2004

my room looks empty without all the pics.
i m leaving sydney tomorrow.
byzz.

30 Jan, 2004

in memory of cucu
inside, i still have a grumbling.
but who is a man to question.
everyone will meet their demise in the end.
yet, i do not seem to understand.

28 Jan, 2004

1.00 am. sydney time.
the sun is still shining.
it's a wonderful summer. having the sun in the middle of the night. and the bright sky. it is like one o'clock in the afternoon.

"i m going back tomorrow," says my cousin.
oh, i can't remember when he first arrived in sydney.
"let's go around and spend the night," i tell them.
and three of us go.
"i forget to bring something"
"you two just wait here. i will go back since i m the fastest."

i can't remember what happened after that.
it was just a piece of scattered memory of childhood,
manifested in that surprising, familiar dream of mine, last night.

22 Jan, 2004

oh, mister yo. it's almost two years.
i wonder how everyone feels, and what would u feel.
would u merrily say, "it is unimportant."
and
"come on..."

21 Jan, 2004

a friend has moved out.
a friend left a week ago,
and another friend is moving out 2 days later.

my cousin is moving to another city,
and will start a new life there.
hope everything will be alright.

10 Jan, 2004

"a world of dew
and within every dewdrop
a world of struggle"
(a haiku by kobayashi issa)

a world of struggle, as it seems.
still, there is something else.
once and more than once, i saw ...

"a world of dew
and yet within few dewdrops
i saw a vivid orange"

haiku = short japanese poetry
kobayashi issa (1763-1827) = japanese haiku poet

8 Jan, 2004

new design. i archived 2003 design here

5 Jan, 2004

i carry all the things from the past year.
few days have passed, still, there are some questions i haven't answered.
there r things - decisive, crucial.
i tell my friends, u can always expect things to be better,
then, what do i expect to happen this year?

well, at least i can choose to say happy new year with a ^o^
welcome 2004

17 Dec, 2003

errrr.. =(
=(

13 Dec, 2003

ask ur grandpa how they made money for a living.
"i buy things at $1. umm.. i sell them for $2," grandpa answers. ^^

5 Dec, 2003

oh, sometimes i live as if there is no heaven, no hell beyond :(

28 Nov, 2003

You give life and now You call him back. Pray that You give strength to them. Pray that You take care of the family. Pray that they can keep trusting You.

19 Nov, 2003

Sun landed 500000 desktop Linux deal with china government (Comdex 2003). forming partnership with mainland, what a strategy.

15 Nov, 2003

i skipped one night sleep. perhaps i will get headache. perhaps not. ^o^

1 Nov, 2003

feel sooooooooo bored today..
change the icon and barner for this site... um.. only a bit different anyway :(

28 Oct, 2003

"Do u think its important to have dinner together?"
here r some answers from ppl~ :
1. with who^^, with family, friends or bf? cos they r different loh
2. if it's with ppl i dun like, its unimportant
3. yup... cos i can have free dinner~~
4. i m a hermit living in mt everest.
5. when having dinner there is always much to talk about

21 Oct, 2003

have a nice dream last nite ^o^
who cares i have 15 mins good time in real life or dream.
both are good, as i've experienced. both i still remember~

18 Oct, 2003

i went to airport to send close ppl off again.

17 Oct, 2003

what a nice time for all of us, being given time to spend with parents. everyone was happy~

29 Sept, 2003

validate xhtml & css for this page

26 Sept, 2003

this is the first time i listen to liszt.
~it is amazing. it is brilliant~

23 Sept, 2003

i like this song. simple melody, yet deep.
it keeps repeating.
my mind is wandering. but nothing i can think of.
what is the difference between tonight and other night?
tonight i stopped for a while.
i hear the clock ticks, the whir of insect,
the sound of my computer fan, the sound i make as i type
i hear nothing else.

tonight will pass.
soon it will become the other night.

18 Sept, 2003

how good is my life

17 Sept, 2003

silence tells a story.
words tell the lie.

15 Sept, 2003

i was touched.
finding that ppl know and care.
i realized i had placed ppl too far away.

i used to wait.
wait till ppl show concern.
before i trust they will.

it's a pity.

14 Sept, 2003

unit testing using JUnit

12 Sept, 2003

who knows where will we be next year

2 Sept, 2003

"My conscience hath a thousand several tongues,
And every tongue brings in several tale,
And every tale condemns me for a villain."
-William Shakespeare-Richard III, Act 5, Scene 3

1 Sept, 2003

Port Authority released 9/11 transcripts.
I see people performed their duties very heroically and professionally even they knew they were dying.

27 Aug, 2003

site redesigned =)

15 Aug, 2003

I met my ex-high school classmate in pelita unexpectedly. haven't seen him for seven years. and the greatest joy is knowing that now he is a christian.

13 Aug, 2003

read news about a man losing 8 fingers in an accident. the company where he worked gave $200,000 as compensation.
my eight fingers are more valuable than $200,000 for me.
it is worth more than $1 billion.

9 Aug, 2003

pleasant day.
pleasant sound of violin, suprised that i still can make an acceptable sound after such a long time =)
lot of things pop up from my mind. nicely, i see them good today =)

6 Aug, 2003

there r ppl who i always worry about whatever they do. (wonder why -_-?)
there r ppl who i never worry about (cos i m confident of them)
are there any reasons for me to be confident or to be uncertain?
i know there is a reason for me to be confident... there is no reason for doubt.
knowing is one thing. doing is another.

5 Aug, 2003

bombing in jakarta

2 Aug, 2003

"circle of life..."
job hunting... 3 years ago.. it took 3 months and 7 interviews for me to find my first job. what about now? ^o^

trying to cheer up myself ^O^^^^^^
write a banner and stick it !!! CHEER UP !!!
i told myself
"isn't it strange.. there were things u looked for. and it happened. u were happy. then it passed. and u looked for another.. and it happened.. u were happy again.. and still u look for another... "
"um. it keeps repeating. um.. perhaps it's circle of desire.. someone said that desire is the very essence of man. and i am in the circle."
"um.. if desire is the essence of man.. i can't avoid it."
"um..its better for me to reposition what i long for.."
"leave me with two choices... keep longing for the same old things or .."

25 July, 2003

a search for guidance @ MYC

19 July, 2003

funny thing happened... tried to find a new place .
found a good place already, but ... >.<

16 July, 2003

i have known my friend for 8 months.
she brought a lot of happiness with her presence.
now it is the time to see her go away.
wish i can meet her again next time.

6 July, 2003

i am happy because my friend came back.

3 July, 2003

.difficult.immature.

26 June, 2003

i know i m so bad.

21 June, 2003

when i find everything cannot be the same anymore, i want to run away, but finally i have to face it..

17 June, 2003

when u don't know what to do, keep trust in our God, choose one and do it. face it bravely after u choose it. may be it seems like ur choice is wrong. but u will still feel the same if u choose another one. as time goes by, u will know u have made the right choice.

15 June, 2003

i spent the night at circular quay and had a cup of coffee there. water, night view, winter, coffee, made up a lonesome yet pleasant ambiance. it made me think what i was trying to find there. hmm... anyway, i like this place.

14 June, 2003

i like struggling with deadline, but now i prefer not.

8 June, 2003

decisions change my life. i never know which one change my life. a lil decision happened to change life sometimes. a big decision didnt.
but once it is too late.. is it worth feeling regret? i regret if i was careless, if i was thoughtless. i won't feel regret for the rests. there r things in this life beyond my control.

i still dunno if it is worth feeling regret for things that have passed. either good or bad.
for time of bliss, i never say enough. for that, i always think... time is so short. but one year, five years or twenty years doesn't makes any differences. always so short.....
for time of hardship... it's harder to describe...i think i haven't gone through enough hardship to tell u. i can't explain it properly. i understand happiness much better than hardship. i went through these time with lil and big decisions, right and wrong decisions.

i have been using a simple way to decide things since last year. i value it with how long i probably live in this world.

~if my life ends today, i know i had already made the most important decision. so i won't feel regret. but i am optimist. i always assume at least i still alive for another one month~ (seems pesimist to u? okay.. u r optimist and i m realistic).
~if i live for another one month. nothing to be decided, only one thing to be done. i know what i am going to do. i will tell the most important decision i have made to ppl that i consider friends.
~if i live for another three months. may be one or two things to be decided, and one or two things to be done. spend time with people i love. do the things i enjoy. visit one or two places.
~if i live for another one year. many lil and big things to be decided, like where i m going to stay next year.
~if i live for another ten years. study hard, work hard.
~if i live for another fifty years. it's too far away.

i hope i won't regret for any decisions that i make..whether i live another fifty years or another day.

is it worth feeling regret for my decision? i still ask myself.
one thing i m sure. i won't feel regret for it, if i only live for another month~

31 May, 2003

a friend moved out 2 days ago.
a friend is leaving 3 days later.
leaving me alone in this place -___-

27 May, 2003

if something bad happened, i always hope everything will be alright after tonight.

25 May, 2003

there are things meaningless for u, yet meaningful for me... but how i judge it.
things i value today, and 1 year later, and 10 years later, and 100 years later are meaningful, the rest are meaningless.

how u value things if u always change. u know... ppl said change is constant.
simple. just wait n see.

if i still value them 10 years later and till the time i m about to die, then i know they are meaningful. the rests are meaningless.
but i m afraid if it will be too late. i m afraid that time i will ask u. "is it too late?" and all i get is silence... ... and i know the answer.

22 May, 2003

be playful and silly. life is so boring if u r always serious and thoughtful~~

19 May, 2003

favorite words:
bakero (since 1992)
bego (aka stupid), keplek (aka stupid) (1998)
chipe (aka green and white),guan ce kong (plastic container) (1999)
payoye, tenggleng (aka weak) (2000)
stupid, "i m not angry, just a lil bit annoyed" (2003)

18 May, 2003

factory method is not the simplest pattern >.<
yeah! it's the simplest pattern once u understand it ^o^

17 May, 2003

many things can turn out good surprisingly~
i worried too much that time? lolz. =)

16 May, 2003

nightmare>.<
i dreamed about preparing for exams (~so tiring) and finally couldn't answer any questions (~hopeless).
dreamed about friend falling in a faint and i desperately sought help (~no word).
finally i woke up (~headache). relieved, only a dream (~lucky^o^ oooo))
then i took panadol and slept again.

13 May, 2003

i wonder how my life will be if i was born in different era.
and how my life will be if i was born in unfortunate circumstances.
i think it over and over. i realize i dont have the courage to be the unfortunate one.
..so i am grateful for what i have and i wish i have the courage.. someday..

i think of my life now. what i am doing.....
i enjoy living in the past, playing with memories.
i struggle in the present, for making things memorable.
I struggle for the future. for creating possibilities. for memorable future.

i don't know why i live for memories.
once they become memories, they become unreachable past.
at the end i still long for them.
and at the end i am still grateful for what i remember~

12 May, 2003

remember the time when u prayed for people around u, the time when u prayed for me.
remember there are people around u that keep praying for u. i keep praying for u too.
remember whatever happens, good or bad, our prayers are listened by God who loves us.

7 May, 2003

love starts with a simple thoughtlessnes. ends with an unexplained emotion
life starts with a full joyfulness. ends with an unfinished happiness

5 May, 2003

...5may1996, tomorrow got EBTANAS!! nearly finish highschool. 5may1997, attended physics, statistics, programming lectures from morning to night, . 5may1998. didnt have class and had nothing to do at home. 5may1999. got antenna class. 5may2000. remember very clearly ^o^. 5may2001. youth fellowship. 5may2002. really forget. 5may2003. today :)

3 May, 2003

no more worries~ no more bad things~
bday passed~ sweet bday~ bday cake~ bday noodle~ bday present~ bday card~

25 Apr, 2003

Something makes u worry. u make others worry.
Nothing makes u worry. others still worry about u. ^o^??
Nothing to worry about. u still worry ^_^??
People like worries.....

i see u worry about something. u make me worry.
i see u are alright. u still make me worry. -_-??
u ask why i always worry.
i say people like worries.....

u saw me being happy
u asked why i was happy
i said i was happy.
u did not believe ^-^??

plenty of things to worry about.
i want to worry. i worry the whole life -_-''''
i choose not to worry. i feel happy for a while ^o^
i feel happy for a while. i wish u r too ^_^

23 Apr, 2003

one thing i did in the past.
the future will never be the same anymore.
still i choose no regret.

22 Apr, 2003

there is a time for meeting people
there is a time for knowing people
there is a time for parting.
we part because of death. we part because of distance.
we part because nothing last forever in this world.
i feel sad because i missed u.
i feel sad because i want to hear ur voice, because i want to see u again.
i feel sad because when i tell u stories, u can't answer me
i feel sad because i want to see both of us grow old. i want to tell the stories about things we do in our youth, our adventures. then we can laugh together
i feel sad because ur presence is so meaningful for me.
now i don't want to feel sad anymore.
i give thank for having chance to know u.
i treasure every moment of happiness with u.
i know one day we can have the time to talk and share our life experiences again. and i will tell u my story

20 Apr, 2003

what is the reason i care for others? when did i start realizing that i cared for my fellow human? it was when i realized that human are just mortal, living in this dying world. a king's life is not more valuable than a servant's life. my life is not more important than his life. we all are dying..... but why i still care for others even i know we all are dying? caring for others or not. does it make any differences?

someone told me that we aren't dying if ... ?

i pondered for quite a long time. i asked a group of people.
Skeptic said, "how u know we all are dying? " "how u know the 'if' is true?"

(hmm...this guy is really annoying. i asked for advices and he gave me more questions. he actually doesn't know anything. i m better than him, at least i know that i m dying.)

Then Folly said, "i don't really care if i m dying or living."
(well, i surely care. if not i won't ask u)

Atheist said "yeah. we all dying. so what's bad with dying. Once u die, it's all."
(once i die it's all... ... ... ... this guy is really confident.)

Religious argued "no! u still exist even u died"

Skeptic calmly asked "how u know u still exist when u died?"
(now i am really confused. these people didn't help me but caused more troubles. better i try to find the answer by myself.)

i found the answer in easter.

17 Apr, 2003

if i don't know u, then how u look like and what u do are probably the most important. it can be misleading, but no better way. i say i can only judge u.
if i know u deeper, then its ur virtues & characters that i look for. and then, i say i can value u.
Deeper than that. i say i will never judge u and value u anymore, because i already know u.

12 Apr, 2003

01.00am. cant sleep. think of too much things these days. try to read book. it didnt help. try to do my assignment. but my brain was overheated. now nothing to do. turn on music will probably help. i select these songs. debussy's girl with the flaxen hair is one of my favorites. but it makes me feel more troubled. dvorak's humoresques makes me feel calm. schubert's presto from death and the maiden overclocks my brain. but i m not in the mood of doing assignment.
01.48am. i enjoy the silence of the nite. mmm. hungry. should grab something to eat.
01.52am. now can see the rainbow after raining :), becos of food?? lolz
01.54am. i think i want to do the assignment again.
02.23am. the assignment is hard.
03.28am. im tired. it should be easy for me to sleep.

10 Apr, 2003

I hate making important decision. >.< cos its important and i can't predict the future. I like trivial choice, cos i actually dont need to choose, just toss the coin and i get the result.

I find myself changes frequently -_-?? what i considered good a few months ago. now seems not. what is impossible now possible. errr....

9 Apr, 2003

Why weren't they afraid of death? They were sure where to go & faced it with courage.

30 Mar, 2003

Q: What's the stupid thing to do on a sunny saturday morning? A: Go to a beach and try to study there. Q: What's the stupid thing to do if u want to clean ur shoes with a shower. A: Stand under the shower and turn the tap on. Q: What's the stupid thing to do when the daylight saving end? A: Wake up at 8 o'clock, feel happy and sleep again becos u have another hour of sleeping time~

26 Mar, 2003

What do u feel when u leave the place u have been staying for years?
Thirteen years ago... i have forgotten what i felt that time -_-''
Seven years ago... only my friends and families were in my minds -_-
Two years ago... i missed my gf.
Last years... it hurt.

What do u feel when u leave someone close with u?
"we still can meet each other every holiday", i thought that when i was kid :)
When i grew older, i found that sometimes i was not close with them anymore after a few years. Sometimes they had forgotten me, sometimes i had forgotton them. well, everyone had changed. I got new friends, they got new friends.
I wish someday i can still meet every of those who had left 'a little memory' in my life. may be some of them have forgotten me, or some of them have the same wish with me.

What do u feel when u see the stars?
i see the stars every night. i don't feel anything. i see the stars, i remember when i was scared of darkness. i remember when someone told me stories. i remember the moment we chatted. i remember 31st Desember 2001. i remember 14th February 1997. i remember Desember 2000. I remember the camp. i remember i was so happy~. i remember i had made so many promises. i remember coffee. i remember the creator.

What do u feel when sit near the seashore alone?
i feel the wind. I feel like closing my eyes. i feel like sitting there with someone.

24 Mar, 2003

I am tired...

23 Mar, 2003

Sadness comes out of the blue. Can bliss come in the midst of busy life?

20 Mar, 2003

the gulf war has started. who can bring justice to this lame world.

18 Mar, 2003

What are the differences between our past and our dream? Sometimes, what happened in the past just looked like a dream. Like having a sweet dream, and i don't want to wake up. But I still wake up. There were moments in my life that i wish could last forever, but they still faded away.

I wake up today and what happened yesterday was just like a dream for me. Few years have passed, and where those years go. Some still live in my memory, some have diminished. Some are like dreams... they happen, leave a memory, and go away. I wait for the day when i can wake up and find that they were just dreams~

15 Mar, 2003

I haven't practiced violin for one week. I should keep on practicing, even it means disturbing neighbour!

13 Mar, 2003

Woo hoo! I found interest in study again~~

11 Mar, 2003

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17
I like this verse but i think the indonesia translation conveys deeper meaning. "Seorang sahabat menaruh kasih setiap waktu, dan menjadi seorang saudara dalam kesukaran."
Having a real friend and a real brother is a treasure of this life.

10 Mar, 2003

Got headache again today. I dunno why. May be drink too much coffee these days or study too much mandarin... I should reduce my intake of coffee :(

7 Mar, 2003

There was a time in my life i regretted of what i have done.

1 Mar, 2003

O-Week @UNSW has passed. I gained quite interesting & fun experiences while i asked ppl to join FOCUS. Some ppl were willing to listen, some were polite, some were very impolite. The first time was quite awkward cos dunno what to say, but after a while, its quite easy. Just remember, dont bother with the rejection from some ppl, there are still many ppl that are eager to listen to this good news :)

added cooking section..

28 Feb, 2003

It has been so long. Three months has passed since i was busy with the exam. I have a memorable holiday. Spending time with family, close friends, beloved one and having a busy christmas with lot of music. Hmm. try to remember what i had done last year. I remember I started last year with quite a good hope for future. But thing always changes and future is unpredictable. I missed someone meanwhile and it made me feel my life is so empty. I felt like i would not have joy anymore. I knew I had to continue this life but my life seemed aimless. It influenced many aspects of my life, including friends and study....

Yeah. But people said time will heal our pain. Half year had passed. I realized that I felt better. As what I believe, life is not valued by how long we live this life, but how meaningful our life is. I knew my brother had lived a very meaningful life and now had returned to his real home. I remember the lyric of a hymn, "...this temporal world is not my home...i know there is another place where i belong to..." This always gives me a great comfort while i feel sad.

Then another half year had passed, and i found that I only had one day left before the new year came . I spent the last day thinking of what had happening the whole year and what i had done. I found I had done so many failures this year. But i also gained much from all that had happened this year.

Finally, new year came. I started this new year in my church with prayer and then with a cup of coffee. Now I came back to my daily life after a long holiday and the new semester will start soon. Actually I feel quite bored returning here, but i got a housemate who is nice and add more color to this life, like helping me taste my cooking~. Oh.. I have a new hobby this year. That is cooking!!

18 Nov, 2002

IPv4, IPv6.

17 Nov, 2002

Exam period *_* commences. now needs three cups of coffee everyday. remember, study hard... study smart... study is fun... hmm

14 Nov, 2002

Redesign the banner & minor layout changes~~ Now the banner is better :)

13 Nov, 2002

I am bored ......

12 Nov, 2002

People come into my life then go. Some of them I only meet for seconds. Some I meet for months, for years, even may be for the rest of this life. Some affect my life so much. Some change my life. Some are inspiring. Some make me feel love. Some leave a memory for the deepest heart. Some I just forget.

8 Nov, 2002

"Take time to think; it is the source of power" - anonym

7 Nov, 2002

"To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

30 Oct, 2002

Very very busy week.
Congrat to my cousin for finishing uni. what a tough life.

29 Oct, 2002

"Where your treasure is, where your heart is"

28 Oct, 2002

"Do u think its important to have dinner together?"
I don't know, but now i don't have dinner alone.

20 Oct, 2002

"Life is a sweet-bitter-symphony."

19 Oct, 2002

got severe headache this week. terrible.
added dans_arts.

13 Oct, 2002

terrible bombs attack in indonesia. this world is getting worse, nothing certain. put my hope in this world, i am disappointed.

12 Oct, 2002

"happiness and sadness will perish" What is everlasting?

11 Oct, 2002

i am not feeling good today. i miss my beloved brother a lot.

10 Oct, 2002

i spend most of the time reading materials about multicasting and firewall this week.

1 Oct, 2002

i put this site on icq, http://xhaydn.tripod.com , cos i only have 56kbps connection. it also can be accessed from http://xhaydn.mine.nu when my web server is up, the problem is as i don't have static ip address, this url points to someone else computer when i am offline :'(

30 Sept, 2002

Tomcat 4.1.12 is up. i spent ages to find how to connect Tomcat to Apache 2 using mod_jk2 with no result. i could hardly find any useful information from apache website. finally, i used mod_jk and followed the instructions from Detlev Beutner @ http://www.acg-gmbh.de/mod_jk/, and it worked.

29 Sept, 2002

finish the construction, with just a few simple pages :)

28 Sept, 2002

this site is under construction.
It is hosted on my computer using apache web-server, i will connect it to tomcat later.

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